just a little. I’m still working on completing a backlog of entries. We’ll call it done eventually.

Still feels like the world is a little over-stimulating sometimes. An exciting day and my heart pounds; when I’m a little too tired the soft white water sounds from my stereo to cover the noise of traffic on the street sounds like Niagara Falls, and I grope in the bed for my ear plugs. Not enough time to recover from a busy day and my heart beats like I’m running a marathon.  Starting not too long ago my stomach churns, and I begin to understand what those antacid commercials are all about.

Music still isn’t as fun as I’d like. David is asking for the chance to play a violin and guitar (pronounced “gee-tar”); I have a harmonica that I wanted to show them, and a flute, and of course the keyboard with sheet music, but I don’t right now have the extra energy to even try.  I’m afraid I’m going to get all fuzzy-headed, and I don’t have time to be fuzzy-headed.
Some days I still feel like I trudge through molasses.  I don’t like those days.  I try to rest, but not too much; I try not do too much but do enough, so I can do the Mommy thing at least and if nothing else.

I’m a lot better at the store scanning the aisles, although I don’t bother shopping with C&D much anymore. It’s not worth the stress and effort; I’d rather spend my energy in other ways (like updating this, or playing outside).

And that’s what it’s all about:  spending energy, or saving it for what counts.

Playing with glue and pasta this past week. Almost as fun as gluing it: picking the pasta back off the next day.

Brown rice. Much harder to glue, even for me. It clumped too much, but C&D didn’t mind the challenge.

David announced he would draw a Daddy. Here’s the feet, he said. Carmen sat up from her chair and looked over. “Draw the toes,” she ordered. David did. Then he drew big loopy shoes. He drew another (which he colored over beyond recognition), and then set off to drawing tractors made of small loops. Carmen followed suit with her own versions of Daddy, and when asked drew a Mommy which looked much different. I’m curious to see how that image evolves.

Little hay in the big city:

Little good: David was watching the street from the glass storm door. Carmen was quiet in the bedroom.

Little bad: Carmen had just spent several minutes gutting her “overalls bear.”

Little good: Carmen singing all the way to the Galleria.

Little bad: Carmen trying to persuade David he really doesn’t want to sing with her.

Not that there’s a trend with Carmen (being a little bad), but she might get in more interesting trouble these days.

When C&D were little, they needed to be held and snuggled all day (and night) long. So we wrapped them up against our chests and wore them as we puttered around the house, took walks, and shopped.

After a while, we eventually had to eat, or do what you eventually have to do after you eat: use the toilet. I was so proud to see Carmen yesterday not only wearing her “star bear,” but, without any prompting, insisting on wearing the bear when she needed a potty break. Later she needed to eat lunch, so she covered her baby with an apron.

I marveled at seeing her do things for the bear that I did for her two years ago. Still a baby herself, she already holds the seed of that urge to hold her baby close just like I did her, smelling her hair, feeling her body against mine, both soft and relaxed. She already knows that as a nurturer she needs the baby against her chest just the baby needs her. She is only two, and I can imagine a circle of love.

Later we drove to the Galleria to eat and then walk around, gawking at the displays and waving at the Santa (who wore a real beard and suspenders!).

Eating dinner at Shanghai Joe’s in the Galleria (they’ve seen C&D grow up!), Carmen ate facing to the side, with a napkin over Bear’s face, just in case. Carmen, little girl, I did that, too.

P.S. Carmen and David, when you have babies of your own and decide to wear them while eating, avoid foods with small seeds. A sesame seed fell in David’s ear once and I was afraid it wouldn’t come out. (It slid right out, but I still considered myself lucky, anyway. What would the pediatrician think?!)

Sundays night I meet with enthusiasm and a twinge of dread. After Sunday night comes Monday morning, and the Dynamic Duo and I are on our own for the day.

They’re funny and friendly (hence the enthusiasm), but as they move toward their third birthday, I am increasingly aware that even though I’m taller and older than they are, I am not the one in charge. That’s where the “dread” bit comes in.

Some of the images from last week that will be in my sweet dreams tonight:

Wild woman of the West and “the horses are going away.”Cute even when she’s mad. (Yes, that is Carmen’s hair forty minutes after I brushed it and tied it in a “ponytail like the pony.”) The bear (aka “brown bear,” named after the book and not the color) belonged to Matt when he was short.
Yee, haw! (Those are radishes in her overalls pocket.)

Washing radishes from the stock farm’s garden. (And they ate them, too!) The green tops are gone, fed to the pigs.

David was told he could use his sand sieve as a colander to wash his radish . . . or something. No matter. He just really wanted to play with the water.

Good night. Hope you have some sweet dreams of your own.